Shape Good Habits

SLEEP

Edie — Fri, 11 Nov 2022 20:31:54 +0000

Precious Sleep!

When I recall my time in 911 and why I left, an inability to sleep comes to mind.

I was on the overnight shift. We worked eight hours, from 10pm to 6 am. For years, I loved it. Until I could no longer sleep.

Most of my years there I slept in a basement room with no window. Pitch dark with the lights out. Then through divorce, single-parenting, and selling the house, I no longer had that.

-no longer in the dark

-anxious about my future

-scared about raising my kids alone

-lonely

-overwhelmed at work

-in an apartment instead of a house

Hmmm, I wonder why I couldn’t sleep?

The nightmares began after a horrendous call for service.

RESEARCH AND EXPERIMENTATION

Since I left 9-1-1, I have spent a good bit of time and research to get a handle on this sleep thing.

Here I’ll give you THREE of my top tips on getting quality sleep.

-SOUND

Some people require absolute quiet to be able to get to sleep and stay asleep. That can be impossible in our noisy world.

Silence is also referred to as black noise. It can be difficult to create.

Earplugs- Fit matters. Getting them to stay in for eight hours can be tricky. I always carry the spongy ones when I travel. Makes a big difference in a noisy hotel.

Noise machines can be useful. Even the drone of a fan can help.

White noise~ White noise carries all the audible frequencies, so that nothing interesting can come through.

Pink noise- White noise with moderate emphasis on lower frequencies.

Brown noise- Has stronger emphasis than pink noise on lower frequencies

Music-Depends on you. I cannot sleep if I hear the faintest music playing. Thus, apartment living is hard on my sleep hygiene. My alarms are always music. Bells don’t necessarily awaken me.

Nature sounds- My husband had a sound machine that played a thunderstorm on constant loop. On the occasions where I tried to sleep with him at night, I would get awakened every 45 minutes when the thunder clapped. He, however, slept so much better. Interestingly, once I was asleep, most noises didn’t bother me. He woke up to every rustle. But, the thunder didn’t wake him up. People are all different.

-LIGHT

Our bodies are responsive to light. If you are on a shift that requires you to sleep when the sun is out, do everything you can to block any sunlight. It is a powerful signal to your body to be awake. (This is why I’m not sure if teenagers are fully human, how do they sleep until noon?)

Sleep masks changed my life. I’m so light sensitive that I keep it on for my middle of the night treks to the bathroom. I found that it took persistence to get used to it. Don’t give up. Find the most comfortable one you can.

-OVERALL HEALTH

If you exercise hard enough to sweat within the first hour after you wake up, you will sleep better the next sleep cycle. This is especially crucial for overnight workers.
Carefully monitor your caffeine consumption. Many people can’t get to sleep because they have too much caffeine, that’s easy to notice. What I experienced was that I couldn’t stay asleep. I had to pay attention to what time I stopped putting caffeine in my body. Over the years, it got earlier and earlier. Now I don’t ingest caffeine at all. I feel so much better!
Stay away from electronics for 30 minutes to an hour before sleep time. Let your brain get re-centered. If you can’t turn them off (like at work), use the blue light blocker for an hour before the end of your shift.

That’s all for now. There is more.

Bring It!

Edie — Thu, 03 Nov 2022 21:42:02 +0000

Wouldn’t it be lovely if you received just 1% more appreciation for your hard work? Just a little would go a long way, wouldn’t it?

What’s missing in your workplace culture?

I remember a staff meeting once, where people were agitated and vocal. We were out of paper clips, post-it notes, and pencils.

You can imagine the level of discontent among the staff. How dare we not be equipped to do our job well? Out of post-it notes! Indeed preposterous!

Our wise leader tossed it right back to the group. She said if we notice that something that would make our job easier was missing, we should do something about it rather than whine.

She brought out the supply request form and reminded us that we had both the power and permission to fill that out, turn it in, and get the supplies.

Good words. If something is missing, find a way to fill that gap.

The shift

I took it a step further than office supplies.

The thing missing the most in our work environment was appreciation. I was sick of working so hard and not being appreciated one little bit. My thankless job was remaining quite thankless.

I realized that if I wanted more, I could be the one to bring it.

All I had to do was start appreciating.

Startling results

At first, people were suspicious.

“Why would you thank me, I was just doing my job? Did you think I wouldn’t take care of that?”

Time and time again I explained that I just want more appreciation in our workplace, so I brought it with me from home.

Once people started believing that my “thank you” wasn’t a backwards insult, but genuine appreciation, things began to shift.

It was interesting.

I started to notice other people saying, “Thank you.”

And the people who had been thanked started to respond positively.

A few months later, I realized that there had been a positive shift in our culture.

Why it helps

People get into negative habits. Our amygdala wants to keep us safe, so we are always scanning for danger. We incessantly look for what is wrong in our world.

Which do you remember more? The thousands of gallons of unspoiled milk, or the one glass that made you gag? We notice what’s wrong, not what’s right.

It takes intentionality to notice what is right and good in our lives.

What positive aspects does your workplace lack? Is it something that you can increase?

Appreciation, respect, consideration, and peacefulness are all life choices that you have both the power and permission to implement right where you are.

Let me know if this is helpful to you.

What’s Your #1 Concern?

Edie — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 19:10:53 +0000

I recently had the opportunity to meet with some 911 pros and asked what is their #1 concern. It may not surprise you that it is morale and retention.

They are intrinsically linked.

Self Care

When people are overworking with mandatory overtime, their self-care goes down.

When self-care goes down, people get sick more easily.

When people are sick, they miss work,

When people miss work, mandatory overtime increases,

People become exhausted.

They get cranky.

They snap and snarl at other people.

The culture becomes toxic.

When the culture becomes toxic, people leave.

Which brings about more mandatory overtime . . .

Which makes it harder to bring new people in.

Are Your People Just Mean and Nasty?

Are your people just nasty Nellies who can’t get along with other people?

NO!

They are suffering symptoms of compassion fatigue.

Sounds awful, what do I do?

You can intervene at any point of this vicious circle.

Find a source for extra help. Turn over every rock, explore every option, talk to whoever will listen.

-Tap into field units who are willing to fill in

-Contact your government officials to help them recognize the emergency

-Explore options to tap into neighboring ECC’s to offer extra opportunities for their staff.

-Start an Explorer Program just for communications

Address toxicity

-Do not allow incivility to go unaddressed

-Work with your team to establish a code of behavior

-Be consistent in addressing slip ups

Your self care

I can feel you sighing from here. It seems like too much. It’s all impossible.

That negativity is an indicator that your self care is lacking.

Your own self care is the most important asset that you have. When you are overwhelmed and exhausted and not caring well for yourself, you cannot lead your team out of toxicity.

The best thing you can do for your team is care well for yourself.

If you don’t know how to do that, that’s where I come in.

My work is in encouraging and empowering you to take charge of your well-being.

There is hope for your workplace culture, too.

I can help you with it. Whether it is in workshops, individual mentoring, or consulting, I’m here to help.

I’ll Quit Tomorrow

Edie — Thu, 06 Oct 2022 19:23:38 +0000

Keeping at it can be a challenge. Some days it seems like there is no getting ahead at all.

I remember times in 911 when some days were so difficult I just wanted to walk away.

It was never the citizens or the calls, it was always conflict with co-workers, miscommunication, and relationships that made me want to bail out.

REMEMBER

Then I would remember my commitment to my family to provide for them. And tap into my affection for my team members. Plus, the absolute fact that I loved the work.

The challenge, variety, and unpredictability had me hooked. Where else could I have so much fun?

So I would decide, definitely, that if I needed to quit, I had to wait until tomorrow.

And, of course, tomorrow never comes. It’s always today.

If you keep thinking about quitting, though . .

f you find yourself thinking about quitting frequently, it is a sign that you need to address your self care.

Here are some ideas to help you address that.

1. Talk to your supervisor, even if they are the one that has you so upset. You may have to look them in the eye and say, “Listen to me!” to get their attention.

That can be really hard to do.

The fact is, they don’t want one more problem to think about. Yet, it is your duty to help them understand that you need help to be able to stay. Do your best to do this without anger. And forgive yourself if you can’t keep from anger.

Anger is simply a message from your soul that something is unacceptable.

2. Seek help on your own. Access your EAP for counseling. Or talk to your medical provider for a referral.

3. If it is possible, take some time off. Sometimes it is simply not feasible because of short-staffing.

Unfortunately, if rest is what you really need the most, many times your body will create an illness and ground you. It would be best to find a way to address the negativity before you get sick.

4. Reach out to me. I will listen and help you uncover your next best step.

Whatever you are thinking might be the root of the problem probably isn’t.

In high stress environments, Compassion Fatigue and PTSD are typically at the root of negative interactions.

Check on your own well-being by taking the self-assessment called ProQOL5. It can be revealing!

As always, if you need me, I’m here for you.

Gremlin Language: Their Power

Keta — Mon, 01 Aug 2022 21:19:12 +0000

The Gremlins break down the various aspects of life that you must monitor to keep your life going in the direction you want to be.

You are a whole person. When you are in a high stress occupation, you are experiencing negative inputs all day every day.

And that’s not all. You come into the profession with all of your past. Any trauma that you’ve lived through and not worked through is lurking and waiting to be re-triggered in your daily life.

How can we talk about "that"?

The problem is, we don’t know how to talk about what’s going on with us in a constructive way.

In our current culture, it’s not common to be “real” with other people. Generally speaking, we suffer a culture of nice, rather than kind.

Nice is us telling each other little lies to protect each other’s feelings. Kind is us sharing the truth gently to honor the integrity of our relationships.

Typically you don’t want to share your struggles with other people. It is a powerful habit to just say “fine” when people ask how we are. In AA, F.I.N.E. means “F***ed up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional”. We put up a false self because it feels dangerous to be real. We risk rejection and judgment when we are bold enough to share our struggles.

However, when you work in a high stress occupation where you are dependent on your co-workers to be able to get the job done, like 9-1-1 communications, it becomes crucial to be able to share when things are not going well.

Check out this article and take the assessment for yourself.

How do we do that?

One of the absolute bottom line requirements for this kind of honesty is to work in an environment that accepts people as human. A culture where:

Mistakes are overcome-able incidents, not character traits.
A non-judgmental and accepting attitude toward co-workers is expected and attained.
Helping out a co-worker is simply part of the job.

Creating and maintaining such an environment is the task of every team member.

Each one needs to learn to accept the other.
Each one needs to make every effort to pull their own weight.
Each one needs to be honest when they feel they are having to carry someone else’s slack.
Each one needs to be honest when they need help.

These are learned skills, not supported by the culture at large.

Enter the Gremlins

The Gremlins are a shortcut to being able to talk about what you are going through.

When you are not well, it’s easier to say, “My Mojo is off today.”, than to go into a deep explanation of every ache and pain.

When you get into a funk and recognize that you are stuck in a blame cycle, it’s easy to say, “My Pointer is acting up.” Admitting that you have been giving your power away in playing the blame game is much more difficult.

Hard Conversations

In a safe environment, hard conversations become possible. The Gremlins are not just a way for us to monitor our own well-being. When a team is on a journey to individually live into their best selves together, The Gremlins can be a great tool to be able to be more honest and vulnerable without having to dive right into deep feelings.

I’d love to hear what you think. Send me an email or connect with me on social media.

Dealing With Toxic Work Culture

Keta — Wed, 20 Jul 2022 14:04:15 +0000

Chance Encounter

I had a random conversation in an airport today. The gentleman saw my NENA backpack and revealed he had been in emergency communications for fifteen years.

I said, “How’s your PTSD?”

“I’m divorced, and now I live 1000 miles away from my family. But I’m getting better. I stopped drinking a few months ago and it’s not so bad right now. I still can’t sleep, though.”

My lack of surprise coupled with acknowledgment of his struggle seemed to have opened a gate for him. We chatted for a while.

Protective Gear

I’m curious

As an industry, when are we going to own responsibility for the well being of our staff members?

When Kevlar vests came out, law enforcement leaders were willing to provide them for officers.

Fire fighters are equipped with gas masks and other protections.

Medics have personal protective equipment readily available.

It seems as though all the telecommunications personnel get is asked to do more.

That’s not quite accurate.

I’m seeing more and more agencies with workout rooms for the ECC. Standing desks are more common. And sleep rooms and kitchens are now being built into new comm centers. That’s so positive!

A robust EAP would have counselors who have some understanding of what the special stressors of our people. And that’s happening in some places.

Missing Element

What I see missing in many, many agencies is a culture of self care.

How do you in management support people getting vital rest between shifts when you are chronically short staffed?

A culture of crushing overtime makes a lie of your admonition, “take care of yourself.”

In agencies that are working excessive hours, tempers flare.

Rudeness becomes the norm.

Gossip, shunning, and insults sprinkle the days like maleficent fairy dust.

Painful interpersonal interactions pile more stress and negativity even as exhaustion makes it harder to bear.

And supervisors and other leaders are spending their days finding someone to cover shifts and investigating complaints. Egregious behaviors go unaddressed. People “get away with it!”

Suggestions

Without knowing the particulars in your agency, I’m hesitant to offer suggestions. So, know that I recognize that the following may seem like a pipe dream.

Even in the midst of the pressures you face, I want to encourage you to create a culture of psychological safety by getting your staff members to dream of what that would be.

Encourage them to set the parameters around what is an is not acceptable in their work group.

Psychological safety is the belief that this is a safe place to be fully myself and errors will not get me shunned or scolded. People will accept that each one is doing their best, mistakes are part of life, and we can all get better.

Let them direct how it could happen.

Empower them to create the culture they want.

Even your crustiest, crankiest, most gossipy and petty dispatcher does not want to work in a toxic culture.

As much as you are able, spend time talking about your vision of what a healthy culture might look like.

When you see someone being nasty, address it. Immediately, or as soon as possible. Before the end of the shift.

Don’t think you’ll do it tomorrow, it’s much harder to do. We remember events differently after we sleep.

When your team has a clear vision of their ideal, and they set the parameters for what behaviors support that, you’ll observe a shift.

Your role is to midwife it into coming alive, and nannying it’s growth and health.

Your people don’t plan to become toxic. It’s a side effect of excessive stress and weariness.

That combo is a tremendous threat to your team members health and life. Find the protective gear that will help!

The Beauty of Buddy

Keta — Wed, 13 Jul 2022 03:43:27 +0000

We’ve been diving into the Gremlins as individuals on the blog over the past few weeks. If you’ve missed any, or need a refresher go here: Shape Good Habits Blog

Buddy is our connection to love, which is a thoroughly inadequate word for what I mean.

By love, I mean the energy that sustains life and wellbeing. Whatever you want to call it; it is what provides our breath, grows our food, and wakes us from sleep.

What I don’t mean is some sappy, sentimental, hearts and flowers relationship.

Or passionate, sweaty, and intense connection.

I don’t mean our affinity for chocolate (although that can come close in reverence).

I mean a fierce determination to quicken life and the drive to nourish and support life. The intelligence that teaches cells to replicate and individuate. It’s the “whatever that is” that spurs the hormonal wash that bonds us to a newborn.

That Kind of Love

I believe that love is the most powerful force in the universe. It is stronger than gravity, and more vital to life than air.

When life gets overwhelming it is possible for a human to feel disconnected from this presence.

The presence is always with us. We cannot be alive without it. Yet, it is entirely true that we can go through days and weeks and months of not recognizing it.

Why?

Our Rage

People feel such anger at the situations in life, and swallow that emotional storm because it is socially unacceptable to express it fully.

Even people who stomp around and yell at strangers carry buried rage.

It is in human nature to assess the cause of an event.

Internal rage is a compilation of beliefs about situations over which we have no control. Powerlessness appears to be an unacceptable condition.

People feel compelled to look outside for a reason behind misery.

There are plenty of reasons:
Witnessing cruelty.
Politics are infuriating in any season.
The weather does not care about your plans.
You are unable to control other people.
Traffic.
The economy.
Grief.
Health problems for ourselves or for our close people.

Losing connection with Buddy is a lonely and difficult journey.

This is where the keystone practice of five minutes a day of intentional silence is beneficial.

Sit still. Listen to your own breath. Allow your thoughts to act like fluffy clouds on a breezy afternoon that show up and drift away. Simply be.

Just Five Minutes

The result is that you become better connected to love.

You learn to recognize the gentle celebration within your heart when you honor yourself this way.

When you juice up the practice a little by focusing on the feeling of gratitude for even one minute, your benefits increase.

Disconnection from Buddy is a dangerous state.

When you do not feel connected to your own life force, both suicide and homicide become ideas that can grow in strength.

Disconnection is also a miserable state. If you’re there, please reach out. I’m here for you, and there are probably people right next to you who care.

If you’re not there, start your Intentional Silence practice today so you build a strong bond to the power of love.

Sparky the Messenger

Keta — Wed, 29 Jun 2022 17:10:19 +0000

We continue our series on the Gremlins. (If you have missed some of the blog posts, go here: Shape Good Habits Blog

Expresses Negativity

Sparky is your next Gremlin. Sparky is so fun! Sparky’s the one who expresses the negativity that arises when your other Gremlins are out of shape.

When Echo is out of shape and you are not living with integrity to who you want to be in your life. Sparky expresses it. Sometimes loudly. It is then you can start to recognize a problem.

When Mojo is out of shape, you could find your health is deteriorating because you are not feeding yourself well. You may not be moving enough. Perhaps your sleep is interrupted. Maybe you aren’t drinking enough water. Sparky comes to rescue us and expresses your discomfort in your response to other people, situations, or events.

When Pointer’s blame game is in full swing, Sparky steps in. Sparky takes that blaming and turns it into outrage and punishment.

Sparky is dramatic! And Sparky is uncomfortable. When Sparky is at its loudest expression, your temper is out of control.

Here’s the downside: Sparky cannot tell you what other Gremlin is out of shape. Sparky is a messenger that something is not right. Just not what that might be.

When you notice that Sparky is spitting sparks on the people around you, or they are in danger of freezer burn because of you, it is an opportunity for an adventure.

The Greatest Adventure of Your Live

The truest adventure in your life is discovering WHO you are and WHAT drives you.

That’s why paying attention to your Gremlins is so powerful.

When you break down the intricacies of who you are and why you do what you do it becomes simpler to recognize what it is that makes you different from anyone else.

It's the Work of Living

Because when Sparky is out of shape, Buddy also struggles. Remember, Buddy is your connection to love. Not just love of the power that sustains us, whatever you may call that. But, love in our connection to our family and friends. Plus, love for yourself. All of these connections are threatened when Sparky is shooting off.

When Sparky is expressing the discomfort of the other Gremlins, the sparks and icicles hurt the people around us. When you scold, dismiss, or disrespect someone in your close circle, it damages your relationship. E.v.e.r.y. S.i.n.g.l.e. T.i.m.e.

Here is an exercise you can do to help you see what Sparky’s expressions do to your people.

Take a piece of cardboard that is smooth. One side of your next Amazon box is perfect.

For one week, every time you receive a sharp word, something disrespectful, or hateful from anyone, poke a pin in that cardboard.

At the end of the week, take those pins out.

Now, smooth out those holes and make them disappear.

You can’t do it, can you?

That’s what your anger is doing to your people.

Sparky is your messenger that your life is out of shape.

P.S. Remember that your Gremlins are the only ones you monitor. Other people’s Gremlins are none of your business. You cannot manage anyone else’s Sparky. Nor will their Sparky reveal the source of their sparks. That would be mind-reading. You can’t do it. You have enough to do with your own Gremlins.

Playing With Pointer

Keta — Tue, 21 Jun 2022 12:51:27 +0000

We are continuing the series on “Let’s Talk Gremlins”. We have already introduced you to ECHO and MOJO.

Now let’s meet the Gremlin named POINTER.

Pointer represents our attitude.

More specifically, Pointer represents who we assign responsibility to for what’s going on in our lives.

When things go well, do you take credit?

When things go wrong, do you own it?

Blame Game

When Pointer is out of shape, the compulsion to blame circumstances, other people, and life itself for what happens.

In some people, it’s such a powerful habit that it shapes the core of their being. This one practice deteriorates well-being in all areas of life.

Echo is impacted because blaming others is a powerless position. When what happens is someone else’s fault, then the situation cannot be impacted.

Because, no matter how desperately you try, no matter how much you think it’s necessary, you cannot change other people.

Mojo struggles because there are barriers to every avenue for well-being:

“Healthy food is expensive.”

“I can’t afford a gym.”

“If I drink more water I’ll spend all of my time in the bathroom.”

“I can’t do anything about my insomnia, it is what it is.”

Sparky becomes a lost cause. If the reason a person is hot-tempered is because other people are who they are, there’s nothing to be done. Raging against the bureaucracy, politics, religion, or the price of gas have zero impact on anything but your blood pressure and your relationships with others around you.

Buddy suffers because we blame life for what happens. You become lonelier and more disconnected from others because of your nasty temper. You may become whinier and sadder because you are powerless.

Take Ownership

When you take ownership of your life, you realize, there is a large amount of what goes on in life that you cannot control.

There is one area where you have 100% control: your attitude.

Viktor Frankl, in “Man’s Search for Meaning”, detailed his experience in a German concentration camp during World War II. The conditions, the deprivation, and the hopelessness of being a prisoner are the bulk of the book. He was a psychiatrist and became interested in discerning how people survived.

He concludes this:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

It takes practice to accept life on life’s terms. It takes daily attention to ask yourself pointed questions,

“What was my part in this situation?”

“How is my attitude improving what is happening here?”

“How do I need to do things differently next time?”

Paying attention to your Gremlins daily is an important piece in living your best life. When Pointer is in shape, you have reclaimed large chunks of your power to shape your best life.

Congratulations!

Tapping Into Your MOJO

Keta — Mon, 25 Apr 2022 20:16:04 +0000

Two weeks ago I introduced you to the Gremlins in the “Let’s Talk Gremlins” post.

“Mojo” represents another facet of life requiring our awareness and attention: our physical well-being.

Working shift work in a stressful occupation is not good for human bodies. The overnight shift has been shown to increase cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol helps us to store fat. Many of my clients work in emergency communications, where they are tethered to the console and motion is restricted. Any kind of shift work can interfere with your circadian rhythm.

With these factors at play, it’s not your fault that your body is deteriorating. And, doing something to protect your health is your responsibility.

What to Do?

The Gremlins are a tool to help you pay attention to your well-being.

When you check in with Mojo, it is helpful to notice four different areas of life.

Nourishment

You are what you eat. The saying has been around a long time. I often heard it when I was eating something I knew I should not be eating.

Your nutrition matters to your health.

If you are a healthy weight, it’s important to stay there. Donuts, cookies, chips, pizza, and other treats are not conducive to robust health.

Lots of fresh vegetables, a moderate amount of protein for most meals, and simple fruits keep you nourished and strong.

Ask yourself, “How is this food impacting my health?”, every time you eat anything. If you keep doing this, it will lead to positive changes.

Motion

How much do you move your body? I don’t like the word exercise. Moving around is much more fun to me. What about you?

People in sedentary positions fare much better when they develop a habit of intentional motion throughout the day. I like 5 minute dance parties sprinkled in my day.

Weight-bearing workouts help keep you strong. Aerobic exercise helps stress hormones to leave your body. Which do you like best?

It doesn’t matter as much how you move as it does that you move. Every bit of motion is a plus.

Hydration

When my son was little, he had chronic ear infections. His doctor sat me down and lectured me on all the reasons that adequate hydration is a life-saver. The child needed to drink more water to keep his ears healthy.

I don’t remember the details, but half a century later, I still remember the message.

Drink plenty of water. Dehydration can make your life far less comfortable.

The most often repeated common wisdom is 8-8oz glasses per day. One hack is to drink several glasses of water as soon as you get up from sleep. Replenishing after sleep sets a good tone for the day. What will you do to make sure you’re hydrated?

Sleep

“Sleep, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Midnights. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.”

That was my mantra on the midnight shift. I spent several years with my one desire being just two more hours of sleep.

The overnight shift has its particular challenges. You are going against your own circadian rhythms. Sleep masks, ear plugs, and white noise were all necessary for me when I was sleeping during the day. What about you?

And it doesn’t matter which shift you are currently working. Sleep is a big deal.

It is worth doing the necessary thing to get quality sleep.

Your Mojo wants to be healthy and strong. It won’t get there without your attention and effort. The few minutes a day you spend in paying attention to your current state coupled with some micro-habit changes can make a big difference in your life.

Attention

The Gremlins are a tool to help you pay attention to all of the different aspects of your life. Mojo is one of the five.